She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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