i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
