you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
