No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
