Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
