I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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