I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
