I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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