I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I skipped work to stalk him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
