it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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