I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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