3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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