Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
