True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
its liver damage thursday
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
