I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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