Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
