My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
