i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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