I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
