turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I wear drunk well.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
