Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
