is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?