Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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