he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
