I think I died a long time ago.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
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They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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