Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
