Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
