i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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