I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
