the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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