My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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