My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
