My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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