Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
