There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
