dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
