Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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