Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
