Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
