Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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