:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
