how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
