Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
