got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
