Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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