i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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