Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I AM VODKA MAN
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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