Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
