You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Life is so much better after having sex.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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