just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
