I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
