just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
