I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
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If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
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"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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