Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
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