What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
