Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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