I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
