Having a random hookup so left but love u
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It was confusing and full of hummus
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
