You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
