Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
