I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
