Your dad touched me again.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
