My balls are so social today.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
