Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
