wakey wakey hands off snakey
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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