he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
