In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
