Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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