You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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