You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Barsexuality is the new black.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
