i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
