I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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