i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
